The Gaijin Bar

You know the place. You've probably been there. Hell, you might have been the guy/girl who hung out there all of the time. Maybe you still are.

The fact remains that if you are a foreigner in Japan, you probably have been there......

The Gaijin Bar.

You know the place. If you live in a city with any size, most likely there is one to be found. I mean, even Toyohashi got one recently. Of course, there isn't one in my town, probably because I am the only Gaijin.

Anyways, the first time that you went you were probably dragged by a friend who swore up and down that this was "the best bar in the world" or "packed with tons of hot girls" or "has a ton of beers" or "is a place you have to go just once" or some combination of them all. I admit, it was that way for me.

Maybe you were just longing for some other foreign company. Perhaps your long days spent with the natives were making you a bit restless and you were longing for a taste of home. You might have been lured in by promises of Budweiser, American Hamburgers, REAL fish and chips or (like me) Mexican night and 100 yen tacos.

However you found yourself walking through the doors of The Gaijin Bar, after you entered you would never be the same. Loud drunks speaking English berate you from all sides. Smoke fills the air. Two geeks who could never score a girl back home are talking to a beautiful Japanese girl who is way out of their league, she just doesn't know it.

The place probably is made to look like an English/Irish pub, and to be honest they have done a decent job. The place is packed with dark stained woods, brass tap handles, and pictures of green spaces that only exist in dreams here in Japan. The place probably has a really unique name like: THE BAR or THE PUB or THE IRISH PUB or, maybe if they got really avant-garde and dropped the "THE" from the name it is called "PUB". There are signs for unique and interesting beers on the wall. You ask the bartender for one. He tells you that they don't actually have that beer, it's just for decoration. He offers you a Kirin Lager or a Kirin Stout, or an AMAZING new concoction....a mixture of them both.

You notice more and more Gaijin piling in the place as you seach for a place to drink your beer. You notice the ad for happy hour and 150 yen gin and tonics. You throw up a little in your mouth.

More Gaijin now. They are drinking cocktails, fizzy yellow beer, and doing shots of tequila. "No lime for me", one macho black thick rimmed glasses wearing English teacher says. "I shoot straight." You remember his face later when you see him puking in the sink of the bathroom.

A few Japanese girls come in. Usually in twos, most times in threes, never alone. Coming to The Gaijin Bar alone if you are cute Japanese girl is like wearing a bologna suit to a weight watcher's convention. It is not going to end well.

The Japanese girls order their drinks: soda water with a splash of Ume-wine, Coke with a dash of rum, or Gin and tonic--hold the gin. They sit in the corner by the window and pretend to look like they weren't there last night, the night before, the night before.....

The place gets crowded and by the time you realize you need another drink, you see that it is impossible to plow your way to the bar. You could use the facilities, but a table full of fat Americans here on business are blocking the path with the extra six chairs they commandeered from the rest of the bar. You turn and walk away.

You walk down the street, duck into a Yakitori joint, pull a chair up to the counter, sip your Kirin in peace and swear again that you are not going back.